Ode To Deloris

Originally written 1/5/96 I looked back… In my mind In my heart And saw you standing there As my school bus drove away, Waving until we disappeared Two Babies in tow. I looked back… At the meals we ate Made with loving hands, The carpet swept super clean And scrubbed to a wonderful, clean smelling softness By young, soft, agile hands. I looked back…. And I’ll never forget the love you gave me, The hugs you gave me And the path you beat for me. I looked back, MOM And I found you in me. I miss you Mom, there’ll never be another you. Gone too soon 7/18/51-1/18/14

Single tear

11/25/13 4:08 A.M. Single Tear A single tear full of promise left me today. I was relieved. It was decided that I could no longer carry any more Burdens … so it bore them for me. Like a faithful a friend it had been with me for a while. Just, just there… Voyeuristically haunting me. Steadily waiting, watching … on the brink. Stubbornly hanging on … not yet ready to leave me. Then, pregnant with my pain one hot, fat, salty tear months in the making… slowly burned a pathway down my cheek. The course now made… others quickly followed. While a stream of one tore a streak thru my soul…a torrent of many stained my heart forever. Ruthlessly thorough, together they crushed my psyche… pummeled it raw…robbing me of What little strength I had left. My private tragedy. I became immobile…the will to move was no longer mine to decide.

It's all about the process

Life is truly a process. Just when you think you've got a grip on a situation, life shifts and the next situation appears. It's never ending always evolving, changing, shifting. Where am I when the shifting starts? Am I in place or am I still holding on to the last situation. ..didn't get the memo? Actually, thinking on this clears up something I've been wondering about for years. Have you ever met or seen an older person whose style is from another era? Come on, I KNOW I'm not alone here. You know that uncle that dresses like he did in High school. No shame...i'm just saying. Actually, my dad.is just like that so.... Anyway, back to my point, where were they when fashion shifted? I'll tell you where they were, holding on to what is familiar, safe. Someone told them they looked good or they found the fabric/pattern that feels/look good to them...and they held on for dear life. How do they look 30 years later? Odd. That's how. But that's how it is when life shifts and you don't shift with it. Some things need to change/shift in order to get better. Some things are fine the way they are. How do you know what from what....maturity. If you're not there yet...keep living. You'll get it...There are no short cuts to this process. Finding loopholes in the process is worse than the waiting. ..Three things happen if you do. 1)You end up bypassing critical development stages ( that's how you have grown people still acting like children) 2) You look odd 3) You wind up having to backtrack and pick up what you bypassed. I'm just sayin'. Peace

Just Do It!

Tonight again I put myself out there and went to an event alone. I'd met this young lady at a meetup and she invited me to her showcase. Shakia Awesomeness! I was really inspired by her songs and her songwriting. The other artist that performed was great also. Naja Theartist. I admire the tenacity that it takes to pursue your dreams and actually arrange a showing like that. I also realized that I like the rawness of indie music. It's so honest. The artist is not yet commercial and therefore is free to be real. I was inspired by two of Shakia ' s songs. The last one in particular. She sings with a friend about being beautiful just as you are. This got me thinking about myself. I am just seeing who I am. I am just learning who I am. This is the real me. Wow! In my 4th decade, I am finally giving myself the freedom to be me. I loved the rawness of acoustic music and how the artists put themselves put there. So honest, so open. To do that you must let go. Something I'm going into. Letting go. Of what? Of fear of someone's reaction. Like I have a friend who winces when she hears or reads profanity. She's like can't you choose another word? My reply is maybe. But depending on what I'm trying to say...i may need that word. You can choose not to read or listen. We all have freedoms. Instead of using your freedom to control mine, use it to read/ listen to something else. This is where I am. Meet me there or see me later. Peace

I will write

Originally written 3-7-96 I will Write I have a story. Who shall i call to hear it? I have a story to tell... A story about love hatred pain tears death despair ignorance greed. I have a story to tell do you hear me? or shall I YELL?

Who am I?

My name is Melissa LuvOn Melissa if YOU know me LuvOn if you feel me. M.E.L.I.S.S.A...for 4 decades and no dismay Check it... L. U. V. O. N ... begins the new day. I is Melissa if YOU know me LuvOn if you feel me. Read my thoughts...follow my verse Get led to a purple place Hang out... stay ... play Chill in my favorite space. No worries be my plan No judgement be my mantra Deal with me ... be real with me Act a fool with with me can ya? I be Melissa if YOU know me LuvOn if you feel me.

Ravings of Lunatic mind

2013 went out with a hiss and 2014 came in with a bang! Nothing that i planned to happen came to fruition.  I was so excited I have always loved New Years Eve. Ever since I can remember I have observed it by staying up all night looking at Dick Clark's Rocking New Eve show.
When I was a kid the all lure was simply getting to stay up all night with my brothers and watching my favorite musicians perform. Pretending I was not sleepy so that i wouldn't get sent to bed.
Of course as a teenager, this same ritual was accompanied by the phone pressed to my cheek with my best friend on the other end. Both of us giggling like mad and talking about boys.
As an adult, same deal. A good friend is always near by. Much giggling is occurring as well as switching channels watching for celebrities and musicians.  Except now there is reflection. Lots of reflection. Where am I? Who am? What did I accomplish this year?...etc.
It's a good time to purge. Clean house. Out with the old, in with the new. Be honest and open. I also have a kind of ritual to help with the purging, healing process that I do but was unable to do it as planned.
I'm kinda bummed, because this year I was at work and for the first time in my life, my first 2 interactions in a new year were with virtual strangers. No friend in sight. My Co worker was the first person to hug me and then i received a text from an acquaintance i know thru someone else wishing me a happy new year. So yeah, I was bummed.  But life goes on and in true purple mind fashion, I moved on. The year has been rocky ever since.  I hope that poor start is not a harbinger of more to come.
My frame of mind us shifting though.  My life and my perceptions of my life are up to me and me only. The miserable feeling I experienced that night are fading.  Being replaced by more positive actions.  I'm putting me in charge of my Joy. I love it!! Stay tuned for more. Peace